Im starting to think that getting back with my ex was a bad idea. the last time i spoke to him was sunday morning when i left his parents place. No texts, no calls. Silence. Ice been pretty busy so i havent felt so isolated, but today i had a day off of timetable and had alot of time to think about how things are exactly the same as what they were before.
I rang him 3 times yesterday and no answer, no returned call, no text to say sorry. I began to wonder whether things were turning sour again very quickly. So im my anger I went out with my girl friends and we all got rather merry in a trendy wine bar. At 4am on the walk home i decided it would be a brilliant idea to give him a ring to see how he was.. he didnt answer. An hour later a got a text saying the following "It's 4am, what the f**k is wrong with you? i have work early and now i can't sleep. Thanks." The guilt has been eating at me all day..but whats a girl to do when her so say boyfriend hasnt bothered to speak to her.
My friends and my parents both are secretly counting down the days until this relationship turns sour.. It makes me sad to think about how my friends and parents don't think this guy can change. Theyre even making me feel like that he hasnt changed..
We are going away this weekend. I'm hoping that time together will make us stronger. I need to get rid of this horrible mood and try to look forward to the weekend, after all i love him very much..even though he makes me uphappy sometimes.
Thursday, 14 October 2010
Thursday, 7 October 2010
I cant help but buy pretty things
today i bought these shoes
http://www.newlook.com/shop/womens/boots/buckle-boot_202590424
they are beautiful. i also got a tattoo....its also beautiful.
that is all :)
http://www.newlook.com/shop/womens/boots/buckle-boot_202590424
they are beautiful. i also got a tattoo....its also beautiful.
that is all :)
Tuesday, 28 September 2010
Im optimistic: not pessimistic
So, things with sed best boy friend have died down, after a massive heart to heart everythings fine, and now me and my 5-year-on-and-off boyfriend are officially back together now which is just amazing.
Aside from all the bad things hes done, like ignore me for his friends, not invite me to his house mates christmas meal, forget valentines day, go on holiday for a month and ignore me for the entire of it..he seems to have changed. All of a sudden the word "anniversary" was mentioned. Never in 5 years have i heard this word, although secretly i have longed for us to celebrate one, we never have.
Saturday night was a close friends 21st birthday, so we all go out dressed up as characters from games (clearly i wen dressed as Lara Croft, who else right?!) and i managed to get the other half to come along, and he did come with me, no arguments, no excuses, no fuss...he wasen ready an hour early and even dressed up as wolverine. Perfect. We had alovely evening with my friends dancing and chatting, and on the way home he just came out with it "we should work out when our anniversary is, i think it would be lovely to celebrate it considering how long we've been together".. so i asked him why all of a sudden.. and his response? "i cant imagine my life without you, im serious this time, and i mean that i want to be with you, i love you".
Wow. I was rather gobsmacked. Heres' me, just driving along, not really paying attention to alot and he springs this on me. Crazy days. I thought we were back together, but i thought it was the same as always...things are peachy for a few weeks then we just drift until the other half gets cold feet and breaks it off with me in a horiffic way.. (last time i drove away from his flat with him crying his heart out, i was watching him in my rear view mirror...just heart breaking).
Butterflies. I never thought i'd get them again with this guy. I've had a long summer to get over him and make some significant life changes before university starts, so the first few times I've seen him recently, I've felt nothing. But all of a sudden saturday morning, i awoke to find that i had them again and my heart was fluttering at the thought of seeing him that evening.
Aside from my crazy love life, I've managed to secure another part time job to go along side my university studies, i think things are looking up for me!
Until next time ...
Aside from all the bad things hes done, like ignore me for his friends, not invite me to his house mates christmas meal, forget valentines day, go on holiday for a month and ignore me for the entire of it..he seems to have changed. All of a sudden the word "anniversary" was mentioned. Never in 5 years have i heard this word, although secretly i have longed for us to celebrate one, we never have.
Saturday night was a close friends 21st birthday, so we all go out dressed up as characters from games (clearly i wen dressed as Lara Croft, who else right?!) and i managed to get the other half to come along, and he did come with me, no arguments, no excuses, no fuss...he wasen ready an hour early and even dressed up as wolverine. Perfect. We had alovely evening with my friends dancing and chatting, and on the way home he just came out with it "we should work out when our anniversary is, i think it would be lovely to celebrate it considering how long we've been together".. so i asked him why all of a sudden.. and his response? "i cant imagine my life without you, im serious this time, and i mean that i want to be with you, i love you".
Wow. I was rather gobsmacked. Heres' me, just driving along, not really paying attention to alot and he springs this on me. Crazy days. I thought we were back together, but i thought it was the same as always...things are peachy for a few weeks then we just drift until the other half gets cold feet and breaks it off with me in a horiffic way.. (last time i drove away from his flat with him crying his heart out, i was watching him in my rear view mirror...just heart breaking).
Butterflies. I never thought i'd get them again with this guy. I've had a long summer to get over him and make some significant life changes before university starts, so the first few times I've seen him recently, I've felt nothing. But all of a sudden saturday morning, i awoke to find that i had them again and my heart was fluttering at the thought of seeing him that evening.
Aside from my crazy love life, I've managed to secure another part time job to go along side my university studies, i think things are looking up for me!
Until next time ...
Friday, 24 September 2010
Silly things lead to happy endings
Things have sorted themselves out with said close friend and we are now talking again after our massive argument last Saturday night. He came round last night and we had a chat about things..it was nice apart from finding out that one of my best friends had gone behind my back gossiping to him that i had seen my ex.
Also at 4am i got the cutest phone call from the-ex-that-is-now-myboyfriend--again-for-the-5th-time (mega lol) He was so sweet, he was telling me how much he loved me, and that he wanted to make it up to my parents for being a total total jerk and that hes serious this time. Really made me happy, i cant wait until I'm in his arms again.
Although it does make me wonder how long he will keep up this charade before he starts upsetting me again...However everyday that goes by, the more i begin tor realise that i still, in fact, love him very much and he ,despite alot of things, will be the number one person in my life...^_^
ciao for now ...
Also at 4am i got the cutest phone call from the-ex-that-is-now-myboyfriend--again-for-the-5th-time (mega lol) He was so sweet, he was telling me how much he loved me, and that he wanted to make it up to my parents for being a total total jerk and that hes serious this time. Really made me happy, i cant wait until I'm in his arms again.
Although it does make me wonder how long he will keep up this charade before he starts upsetting me again...However everyday that goes by, the more i begin tor realise that i still, in fact, love him very much and he ,despite alot of things, will be the number one person in my life...^_^
ciao for now ...
Saturday, 18 September 2010
I always do the silliest things
So wednesday night, i went for a drink with my, what was best friend, come very recent ex boyfriend. hes been texting me every since wednesday asking if i meant what i said..clearly i said something really really out or order to make him think there's still a chance for something to happen between us. i have totally f**ed this right up. Now my best friend hates me because i led him on... or did i? i don't even know.. i don't think I'l ever speak to him again, Ive really hurt him all in the space on one month..i never thought things would get so heavy so quickly, now Ive broken his heart even though i didn't love him back.
I'm left feeling pretty awkward and pretty uncomfortable. My other ex, the one Ive been seeing for 4 years is back on the scene and despite everything hes done in the past i think he means it this time, i think he still really loves me, and this time its real. however, i had to break the news to him that i slept with one of his friends, i did t last night before things got too serious...he was upset, i cried..Ive just broke off another one of his friendships with what, now was, a close friend. i feel like such an evil person, even though its not my fault.. despite the news, he told me he had slept with someone too...but while we weren't together..
I think things are going to be alot different this time.. hes making so much more of an effort and has even talked about the future. I feel happy about this situation, he's going to make me happy this time i can feel it.
I'm hoping his friends take a back seat from our situation, and don't poke their nose in where its not wanted.. because its their fault that we broke up last time...telling him that he needs to "let her get on with her own life, all your doing is messing her around..all your doing is hurting her". I don't think he will do things with out inviting me anymore and i think hes definitely going to keep in contact more...(more than one text a week! which was all i got previously..)
I'm hoping that i get my fairytale ending..and that my friend can forgive me for the mess Ive made of our friendship and that he can forgive me when he finds out I'm seeing my ex again..
I'm left feeling pretty awkward and pretty uncomfortable. My other ex, the one Ive been seeing for 4 years is back on the scene and despite everything hes done in the past i think he means it this time, i think he still really loves me, and this time its real. however, i had to break the news to him that i slept with one of his friends, i did t last night before things got too serious...he was upset, i cried..Ive just broke off another one of his friendships with what, now was, a close friend. i feel like such an evil person, even though its not my fault.. despite the news, he told me he had slept with someone too...but while we weren't together..
I think things are going to be alot different this time.. hes making so much more of an effort and has even talked about the future. I feel happy about this situation, he's going to make me happy this time i can feel it.
I'm hoping his friends take a back seat from our situation, and don't poke their nose in where its not wanted.. because its their fault that we broke up last time...telling him that he needs to "let her get on with her own life, all your doing is messing her around..all your doing is hurting her". I don't think he will do things with out inviting me anymore and i think hes definitely going to keep in contact more...(more than one text a week! which was all i got previously..)
I'm hoping that i get my fairytale ending..and that my friend can forgive me for the mess Ive made of our friendship and that he can forgive me when he finds out I'm seeing my ex again..
Thursday, 16 September 2010
akward
Last night i went out for a few drinks with some friends, and it just so happens that my best friend that i was seeing, was out too...things got very Akward and he tried to kiss me. what the hell is he playing at?
i layed down the rules and i told him that i didnt want a relationship with him because best friend teritory is very weird.
So we all had far too much to drink and he ended up sleeping on my sofa, but he made sure he put me to bed in my drunken state, and made sure he got his good night kiss. weird. I have no idea how to approach this subject with him the next time i see him.. it feels like we've crossed too many boundries to go back to being normal friends...fml.
In my hungover state today, i had a text from the 4-year ex-but-not-really-boyfriend. and now hes coming over for dinner tomorrow..i have no idea what to cook, or what he wants from me..i still love him very much..but does he want to get back together for good? to be fair, all hes done is mess me around..and my parents absolutely hate him.. I feel very nervous about him coming round..hope it goes okay.
i layed down the rules and i told him that i didnt want a relationship with him because best friend teritory is very weird.
So we all had far too much to drink and he ended up sleeping on my sofa, but he made sure he put me to bed in my drunken state, and made sure he got his good night kiss. weird. I have no idea how to approach this subject with him the next time i see him.. it feels like we've crossed too many boundries to go back to being normal friends...fml.
In my hungover state today, i had a text from the 4-year ex-but-not-really-boyfriend. and now hes coming over for dinner tomorrow..i have no idea what to cook, or what he wants from me..i still love him very much..but does he want to get back together for good? to be fair, all hes done is mess me around..and my parents absolutely hate him.. I feel very nervous about him coming round..hope it goes okay.
Tuesday, 14 September 2010
It's so confusing
So there's this guy I've been seeing on and off for 4 years... we broke up at the beginning of summer, he told me he didn't know what he wanted anymore and he was scared of commitment. He doesn't see 4 years as commitment, he's a very strange boy.
So anyways we break up, hes goes on holiday for a month with his parents and I moved away. Whilst we had time apart i realised that i don't need him in my life, all he does is ignore my calls, he doesn't take me out with his friends and work is so much more important. As the weeks flew by i was discovering that it was okay to be single, in fact its much better, no one to worry about,no one to upset you- perfect!
One night i go out with one of our mutual friends, we get drunk things happen and all of a sudden I'm in a full blown relationship that i didn't even see happening... and the worst part is..he's in love with me and i cant see a future in us.
Last weekend, the Ex, out of the blue, rings me and takes me out for a drink, i wanted an apology for the horrible way he ended things and then to see him upset as i walk away from telling him what i think. But in fact the opposite happened.. So we hadn't sen each other for two months until last Saturday.. he took me out, things were calm, I asked him for an apology, threw some horrible words at him and he grovelled for my forgiveness. He starts telling me how much he misses me and how much he still cares and loves me...total headf**k because as far as i was aware, he wasn't interested anymore..then out of nowhere he puts his hands around my face and pulls me in for the more romantic kiss, my heart feels like its melting..what's going on? why is he doing this? 4 years, then nothing, then hes grovelling for me to take him back.. we ended the night deciding to be "mutually exclusive" and to keep things quiet until I'm happy things are going to be okay again.
am i doing the right thing? everyone hates him for how hes treated me in the past, especially my parents, let alone my friends and uni friends...whats a girl to do?
so then theres the other guy...who i feel nothing for ,its all just physical..i need to tell him that its not going anywhere...but hes such a nice guy, and such a brilliant friend...i don't want to loose him as a friend..or upset him because i will be the big giant bitch who messed everything up.
Well, i feel a bit better now after that small rant...until next time..
So anyways we break up, hes goes on holiday for a month with his parents and I moved away. Whilst we had time apart i realised that i don't need him in my life, all he does is ignore my calls, he doesn't take me out with his friends and work is so much more important. As the weeks flew by i was discovering that it was okay to be single, in fact its much better, no one to worry about,no one to upset you- perfect!
One night i go out with one of our mutual friends, we get drunk things happen and all of a sudden I'm in a full blown relationship that i didn't even see happening... and the worst part is..he's in love with me and i cant see a future in us.
Last weekend, the Ex, out of the blue, rings me and takes me out for a drink, i wanted an apology for the horrible way he ended things and then to see him upset as i walk away from telling him what i think. But in fact the opposite happened.. So we hadn't sen each other for two months until last Saturday.. he took me out, things were calm, I asked him for an apology, threw some horrible words at him and he grovelled for my forgiveness. He starts telling me how much he misses me and how much he still cares and loves me...total headf**k because as far as i was aware, he wasn't interested anymore..then out of nowhere he puts his hands around my face and pulls me in for the more romantic kiss, my heart feels like its melting..what's going on? why is he doing this? 4 years, then nothing, then hes grovelling for me to take him back.. we ended the night deciding to be "mutually exclusive" and to keep things quiet until I'm happy things are going to be okay again.
am i doing the right thing? everyone hates him for how hes treated me in the past, especially my parents, let alone my friends and uni friends...whats a girl to do?
so then theres the other guy...who i feel nothing for ,its all just physical..i need to tell him that its not going anywhere...but hes such a nice guy, and such a brilliant friend...i don't want to loose him as a friend..or upset him because i will be the big giant bitch who messed everything up.
Well, i feel a bit better now after that small rant...until next time..
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)