I always do the silliest things

So wednesday night, i went for a drink with my, what was best friend, come very recent ex boyfriend. hes been texting me every since wednesday asking if i meant what i said..clearly i said something really really out or order to make him think there's still a chance for something to happen between us. i have totally f**ed this right up. Now my best friend hates me because i led him on... or did i? i don't even know..  i don't think I'l ever speak to him again, Ive really hurt him all in the space on one month..i never thought things would get so heavy so quickly, now Ive broken his heart even though i didn't love him back.

I'm left feeling pretty awkward and pretty uncomfortable. My other ex, the one Ive been seeing for 4 years is back on the scene and despite everything hes done in the past i think he means it this time, i think he still really loves me, and this time its real. however, i had to break the news to him that i slept with one of his friends, i did t last night before things got too serious...he was upset, i cried..Ive just broke off another one of his friendships with what, now was, a close friend. i feel like such an evil person, even though its not my fault.. despite the news, he told me he had slept with someone too...but while we weren't together..

I think things are going to be alot different this time.. hes making so much more of an effort and has even talked about the future. I feel happy about this situation, he's going to make me happy this time i can feel it.

I'm hoping his friends take a back seat from our situation, and don't poke their nose in where its not wanted.. because its their fault that we broke up last time...telling him that he needs to "let her get on with her own life, all your doing is messing her around..all your doing is hurting her". I don't think he will do things with out inviting me anymore and i think hes definitely going to keep in contact more...(more than one text a week! which was all i got previously..)

I'm hoping that i get my fairytale ending..and that my friend can forgive me for the mess Ive made of our friendship and that he can forgive me when he finds out I'm seeing my ex again..