It's so confusing

So there's this guy I've been seeing on and off for 4 years... we broke up at the beginning of summer, he told me he didn't know what he wanted anymore and he was scared of commitment. He doesn't see 4 years as commitment, he's a very strange boy.

So anyways we break up, hes goes on holiday for a month with his parents and I moved away. Whilst we had time apart i realised that i don't need him in my life, all he does is ignore my calls, he doesn't take me out with his friends and work is so much more important. As the weeks flew by i was discovering that it was okay to be single, in fact its much better, no one to worry about,no one to upset you- perfect!

One night i go out with one of our mutual friends, we get drunk things happen and all of a sudden I'm in a full blown relationship that i didn't even see happening... and the worst part is..he's in love with me and i cant see a future in us.

Last weekend, the Ex, out of the blue, rings me and takes me out for a drink, i wanted an apology for the horrible way he ended things and then to see him upset as i walk away from telling him what i think. But in fact the opposite happened.. So we hadn't sen each other for two months until last Saturday.. he took me out, things were calm, I asked him for an apology, threw some horrible words at him and he grovelled for my forgiveness. He starts telling me how much he misses me and how much he still cares and loves me...total headf**k because as far as i was aware, he wasn't interested anymore..then out of nowhere he puts his hands around my face and pulls me in for the more romantic kiss, my heart feels like its melting..what's going on? why is he doing this? 4 years, then nothing, then hes grovelling for me to take him back.. we ended the night deciding to be "mutually exclusive" and to keep things quiet until I'm happy things are going to be okay again.

am i doing the right thing? everyone hates him for how hes treated me in the past, especially my parents, let alone my friends and uni friends...whats a girl to do?

so then theres the other guy...who i feel nothing for ,its all just physical..i need to tell him that its not going anywhere...but hes such a nice guy, and such a brilliant friend...i don't want to loose him as a friend..or upset him because i will be the big giant bitch who messed everything up.

Well, i feel a bit better now after that small rant...until next time..